How My Heart Breaks Read online

  How My Heart Breaks

  Book 3 in the Try Again Series

  Copyright © Stephanie Smith 2015

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any other information storage and retrieval system without the written permission from the author, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes only.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Amazon.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Please note Stephanie Smith is an Australian author and some Australian English spelling and slang have been used in this book.

  The following story contains mature themes, strong language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers.

  Editing by Lauren K McKellar

  Cover Art by Hang Le of By Hang Le

  Interior Design by Stacey Blake of Champagne Formats

  ISBN-10:0994242727

  ISBN-13:978-0-99424272-3

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Other Books

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Epilogue

  Thank you

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Other Books by Stephanie Smith

  The Try Again Series

  Wherever You Will Go

  Whatever You Do

  To all military personnel who serve here and overseas, and to all the families they leave behind.

  Thank you for the sacrifices you have made for our freedom.

  You are our heroes.

  They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

  Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

  At the going down of the sun and in the morning

  We will remember them.

  Lest We Forget

  “A soldier doesn’t fight because he hates what is in front of him. A soldier fights because he loves what he left behind.” – unknown

  All I see are flames. I’m easily a mile away, and the large licks of fire sweeping through the dark night sky make it seem as though I’m driving into the pits of hell.

  Glancing at Hallie in the backseat, I start to question whether dragging my five-year-old out in the middle of the night to a house fire was a smart idea.

  Even still, I knew I didn’t have a choice. When Brad had called to tell me there was a fire a few minutes from my house and he needed me urgently, how could I say no? He was one of my best friends. My brother. We had served in the Army together for more than ten years and had been deployed together four separate times.

  Driving up to the inferno I think was once a house, I see Brad on the side of the street, waving me down. Pulling over, I jump out of my truck and lock the door behind me as I leave my sleeping princess in the backseat. Tension knots in my stomach as the roar of flames fills the night air. I hate that I had to bring her here, but what other option did I have?

  Since her mother’s passing nearly four years ago, it’s just Hallie and me, so it’s not as if I could’ve left her home alone. Fuck, this better be important.

  Stalking towards Brad, his eyes are wide, his face pale, and if he wasn’t standing in front of me, I would be sure he had stopped breathing.

  I lift my arms in question. “What’s going on?”

  “There was a fire.”

  “Clearly,” I snap.

  “I was just visiting …” He pauses, his eyes shifting around the area. “A friend,” he finishes.

  I raise my eyebrows at him, pushing him to continue and wondering what in the hell he is talking about.

  “We smelt smoke, and as soon as I glanced out the window, I could see flames coming from next door.”

  A choking cough pulls my eyes across the street to a young woman lying on someone’s front lawn.

  “What the hell?” I yell as I run across to the woman lying still and unmoving. Why the fuck has she been left alone?

  Dropping to the ground, I lift her limp upper body so that her head is in my lap.

  “What the fuck is going on, Brad?”

  “I went inside the building …” He rubs a shaky hand over his face and begins to pace. “I was sure she was the only one inside, so I pulled her out. Callie has already called emergency. The fire and ambulance are on the way.”

  The woman in my arms sputters again, and I can hear the soot rattling in her chest. God, I hope the ambulance comes soon.

  “I have to go.” He scans the area.

  “What?” I yell, frustrated that I can’t make any sense out of him.

  “I can’t be here, Jake. Sheryl can’t know I was here.”

  I look up to the man I have known most of my adult life. The man who stood by my side while we entered some of the most dangerous situations we have ever been in. Narrowing my eyes at him, I study the emotions on his face. I can normally read him like a book, but here tonight, in this fucked-up situation, I am struggling to see what’s going on.

  Glancing at the woman across the street, I only now notice that she is holding a barely there silk robe around herself, and she clearly doesn’t have pyjamas underneath. Looking back at Brad, I can suddenly see all the emotions flowing out of him.

  Guilt, shame—fear. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

  His eyes widen as the sound of sirens peak in between the swirling of flames. “Please, Jake. I can’t be here.”

  “What do you want me to do?” I snap.

  “Say you were driving past and saw the flames. Say you carried her out.” He gestures to the woman lying limply on my lap.

  “Are you fucking serious? You dragged me out for this? I’ve got Hallie in the fucking car.”

  He glances down the road to my truck with worried eyes and pinched lips.

  “Fuck,” I yell into the night sky. I should have never answered my phone. This is not my problem. This is exactly why I do nothing but work and stay home with Hallie
. I don’t need this fucking drama in my life.

  Glaring at him with his shirt inside out and zipper undone, I tell him, “Put your dick back in your pants and go home to your wife, Brad.”

  “Jake—”

  “Go,” I seethe, my voice lethally quiet.

  Brad doesn’t even look back as he runs across the road, jumps in his Toyota Camry, and spins his wheels down the street. The silk-wrapped woman stared dumbfounded as she watched him go before turning her glance my way.

  “Fuck,” I mutter, looking down at the woman on my lap, not wanting to encourage the practically naked woman across the street to think I’m open for her to come over.

  I mentally run through my first-aid training and gaze over the woman checking for other associated trauma. Bleeding, fractures, head injury, and respiratory distress. I don’t notice any physical wounds but gently lay her head back to open up her airways. I then shrug my jacket off and lay it on her.

  Closing my eyes briefly, I shake my head in frustration. I want to go and check on Hallie and make sure she is still sleeping peacefully, but I can’t really leave the woman lying unsupervised on the grass. I shake my head again as I remember that’s exactly what Brad did when he left to greet me in the street.

  Fucking Brad.

  I can’t believe this shit. In reality, without the Army, I’m not sure if Brad and I would be friends. He’s not like me at all, his actions tonight solidifying that thought.

  It doesn’t matter, though. We are brothers in arms, and I have his back. I would do anything for him. Even if it means involving myself in this messed-up situation.

  Movement on my lap draws me from my thoughts. The woman is quietly moaning in pain. Rubbing my hand over her head in comfort, I finally take stock of her. She is beautiful. Stunning, even. Shiny, long red hair that glows under the street light and is clearly natural and a face free of makeup.

  I pick up some of that long wavy hair, feeling the softness between my fingers. It’s been a long time since I’ve had my hands in a woman’s hair, and in this moment, even with the chaos around us, I can’t think of anything else.

  My eyes follow the spackle of freckles that sprinkle her nose. Other than that, her skin is flawless. With the reflection of the flames on her face, she looks like an angel. Her skin, so creamy and pale, and so in contrast with her plump pink lips.

  Just as my focus rests on those full lips and I think about what they would taste like, they open and she starts to choke again. This time the choking is fierce, and I hear her struggling to breathe. Wide bright green eyes pop open and I’m momentarily shocked still until she starts clawing at my chest, trying to sit up.

  I push her into a sitting position just as the fire and ambulance vehicles pull up in front of her house. We are across the street and down a bit so I call out to the ambulance crew. They hear me immediately and run towards us, carrying their large medical bags at their sides.

  They don’t delay as they begin working on the woman. I’m shoved back and out of their way, and they don’t acknowledge me at all. No questions, no ‘what happened’ as they take care of her.

  “What’s your name?” I hear the female paramedic ask.

  “La…” she chokes. “Lana.”

  “Hi, Lana. I’m Susie, and I’ll be taking care of you, okay?”

  Lana. It’s not a common name and suits her uncommon looks perfectly. Her red hair, green eyes, and pale skin make the most beautiful combination I’ve ever seen on a woman.

  While the paramedics look her over, I quickly go and check on Hallie, pausing a minute to take in my perfect princess. I smile as she snores lightly, her blond hair ruffled and falling on her face. She’s my world. My everything. What would I have without her? Nothing, that’s what. Nothing but a meaningless existence.

  By the time I lock the truck up again and make my way back to the scene, the ambulance crew are repacking their bags as they give Lana instructions on how to take care of herself. The male paramedic gives me a curt nod before they make their way back to their ambulance and leave the scene much quieter than they arrived.

  “Shouldn’t you be going with them?” I gesture to the ambulance.

  Lana sits on the grass sipping on a bottle of water, her face pale and sickly.

  “No, I’m okay.”

  “You don’t look okay,” I say, narrowing my eyes and searching her face. Is she about to pass out?

  Just as the thought crosses my mind, she sways from side to side and I crouch down to steady her shoulders.

  “You’re not okay. You were in a house fire. You must have smoke inhalation. What did the paramedics say? You need tests and X-rays,” I ramble all my thoughts as they come to me.

  “They checked me out. They said there were no signs of smoke inhalation, and that I must have got out early.”

  I narrow my eyes, not sure if she’s being honest with me or not. “But—”

  “Did I?” she interrupts.

  “Did you what?”

  “Get out early?”

  “I don’t know, I just …” I pause, realising what she’s asking. “I think you should go to the hospital.” I avoid her question. “Is there anyone I can call for you? Drop you off at the hospital?”

  She bites her lip in thought as her eyes wander to the sky. “No, really. I’m okay. I’ll just call a cab.”

  “You can’t take a cab,” I snap and scold myself when her eyes widen in surprise.

  “It’s okay,” she says as she glances around the grass, as if she’s looking for something.

  “What is it?”

  “My phone.” She looks longingly at the house the firefighters have just now contained. “I guess it’s in there.”

  “You can use mine.” I pull it out of my back pocket. “But please, not to call a cab. I can take you anywhere. Drop you off wherever you want to go.”

  She doesn’t take my phone as she gets to her feet, standing on legs that are shaking with shock.

  “A ride to the Royal Inn would be great, thanks.” Her voice is hoarse and quiet, and I’m not sure if it’s the remaining smoke in her lungs, the shock, or if it’s always like this.

  “You can’t go to a hotel,” I say, trying to hold back the sharpness I used last time.

  She rocks on her feet again, and I grab her elbow, steadying her.

  Her head flies up and we make eye contact for the first time since those piercing green eyes popped open. It’s as if she’s only just realised that I’m here.

  “What happened?” she whispers.

  I go to open my mouth but pause as I think about what Brad asked me to do. Fuck.

  Lana sways on her feet again, and I grab her once more, wrapping one arm around her waist as I lead her towards my truck. Holding her against me feels so natural that it unnerves me for a second.

  “We’ll still be here a while dealing with the fire and police. Why don’t you sit in the truck and rest while I deal with it?”

  “No, it’s okay, I can do it,” she mutters even as she continues towards my truck.

  “You need to rest, Lana, and you need to do it off your feet. You can barely stand and I’m worried you may pass out again.” I unlock the truck as we reach it and open the passenger door. “You were out for a while.”

  “What happened?” she asks again. She stares into space as she asks me, and I’m reconsidering the idea of getting her to a hospital.

  She’s in shock. This shouldn’t worry me. I have seen it many times before—worse even—but for some reason, I feel a protectiveness over her. As if she has no one else. Why would she want to go to a hotel? Doesn’t she have family she can call?

  I set her down in my truck and even have to lift her legs and place them inside the cab. She stares blankly through the windshield and I pause, hesitant to leave her alone for even a minute. Glancing into the backseat, I check on my sleeping girl before closing the door, locking the truck once more, and making my way back over to the police and fire crews, hoping to get this over with qui
ckly.

  I run the lies through my head before I stand there with a straight face and relate them all to the expecting officers, just as Brad wanted. I was driving past, saw the flames, stopped to help, found Lana inside and carried her out.

  My gut churns—what I’m doing and why I’m doing it goes against everything I stand for. Everything I ensure to live by. Everything I try to instil in my daughter. Everything I want her to come to expect in life.

  The police buy all the lies and don’t even question why I was ‘driving around’ after midnight with my five-year-old daughter in the car.

  After chatting with the fire crew and organising to speak with them tomorrow about the cause and damage of the fire, I make my way back to my truck.

  Settling myself inside, I look around the cab to see Hallie still sleeping peacefully and find that Lana has joined her. Her head rests on the seat back, her body and face turned towards me.

  I relax in my seat and watch her. I watch long enough to see that her lips are slightly parted as she takes light easy breaths. I watch close enough to see her eyelids flutter with dreams. My gaze once again follows the line of freckles over her nose, and I reach out with my finger to follow the trail as well.

  Pulling back before I make contact, I realise what I was about to do. Turning in my seat, I shake my head, secure my seat belt, and start the loud truck before taking off down the street.

  I don’t even think as I make my way to my house. She cannot stay in a hotel for the night. She needs monitoring. Hell, she should be in the hospital. I briefly consider turning left towards the hospital instead of right towards my home, but the thought crosses my mind that she will just check herself out and I continue on to my place.